My
Mother, was born in Brooklyn, New York in 1916. That in and of
itself, is nothing special, however, what is special is that my
mother’s, Mother and Father, were born in New York prior to the
turn of the century and that is special. What is really special, is
that my m\Mother’s grandmother and grandfather were born in the
United States in the middle of the 19th century and that
is almost unheard for Jews. You’ve got it right, I am a fifth
generation American born Jew.
My
Mother with little or no knowledge of what it meant to be Jewish,
married a first generation American Jew and the son of Hassidick
Malamud (teacher). My Father’s parents spoke Yiddish in their home
and little or no English. My Mother’s parents spoke German and
Hungary, although born in the United States.
Before
the turn of the 20th Century there were about 500,000 Jews
in the US and most of them were German and Hungarian born. Between
1880 and 1920 two million Jews immigrated to the US from eastern
Europe. Jews were looking to escape the pogroms of Shtetel life that
would force young Jewish men to serve in the Military, often, never
to be seen again. Jewish families also sought freedom from the
indignity of discrimination imposed by police, military and civilian
mobs.
My
Zayde and Bubbe came here from Austria-Poland in 1905. First my Zayde
came and then he brought my Bubbe and their two oldest children. My
father and his younger brother were born here in the US.
My
Zayde was a Sadia Ger Chassid and a Malamud (teacher) and my Bubbe
ran a Kosher Dairy restaurant on the lower east side. When my father
married my mother, his parents wanted proof of her Jewish lineage.
My
Mother had little or no Jewish identity. Her parents lived completely
secular lives. Esther, my mother, had a Jewish name and new she was
Jewish but that was the depth of her Jewish identity. Esther was
orphaned by the time she 17 years old and only she and her younger
brother were left. My mother was forced to care for her younger
brother with a little help from cousins.
Esther
dropped out of High School to work at S. Klein’s a large home-goods
store. Her meager wages provided for herself and her brother George.
My mother had no recollection of Sabbath or Kashrut or anything
Jewish in her parents’ home. Passover had a place in her memory
because they would join one of their cousin’s for a Seder at The
Pride of Judea Home, orphanage, in New York. My Mother’s cousin
were benefactors to the home.
When
my Father married my Mother it was as if he had married someone from
a foreign land who didn’t know the customs or the language.
My
Mother did not keep kosher, make Sabbath meals, or light Sabbath
Candles. The Yartshites of her parents were not observed. My Mother
didn’t attend Synagogue, not even on Yom Kippur. Then something
completely unimaginable happened. Something unexpected and
unpredictable. Something that would change her life forever.
One
day, after returning from religious school, I announced that I wasn’t
going to eat from my mother’s kitchen anymore. My Mother didn’t
have a clue as to why, so she asked; don’t you like the way I cook?
I thought to myself; Why would she think that I didn’t like her
cooking. “Of course I like the way you cook.” It was clear that
my Mother didn’t have a clue, and then she asked; “Why won’t
you eat from my kitchen?” “We don’t keep kosher and God wants
Jewish people to eat kosher”. “How do you know that?”, she
asked. Rabbi Lieberman said; “God commanded us to only eat kosher;”
I went on to explain that we needed to kosher our kitchen. I was only
eight years old at the time and my mother didn’t have a clue what
it meant to keep kosher but she was supportive and so she took my
feelings seriously.
My
Mother was a practical soul and she was also the Mother of six sons.
Every day, at least one of her sons wanted something. Today, Peter,
wanted a kosher kitchen and she took my request in stride. Esther
assumed that this was a fad and I would get over it. My mother
didn’t make Chazer (pork) and she used kosher meat, for my Father’s
sake, so she assumed that keeping kosher wasn’t a huge stretch. Mom
promised me that she would Kosher the kitchen on Passover if it was
still important. We had just started the school year so waiting for
Passover would allow her six months time to observe my interest in
Judaism.
Passover
came and Rabbi Lieberman came to the house to help my Mother kosher
the kitchen. For the first Passover we used the most minimal dishes
and stove-ware to take care of the holiday. The Sunday after Passover
we drove from our suburban home, to the Lower East-side, were
Fortunoff’s, a large Jewishly owned housewares store was
headquartered. My Mother and Father purchase all new dishes fleshig
(Meat) milchig (Dairy) and pots and pans to go along. We Toiveled the
dishes in a local Mikvah (a tradition of dipping the dishes in rain
water) and low and behold we had a kosher kitchen. Did my interest
last, you may ask, by the time I turned ten, I was traveling 45
minutes by train, in each direction to attend Yeshiva six days a
week.
Kashruth,
Sabbath, Tallit, Teffilin, Shabbat Candles are ways we hold on to our
heritage. It’s also a way we transfer our faith to future
generations. I can remember as if it were yesterday, my Mother
standing before the Shabbath candles and saying the blessing in
English; “who commanded us to light the Shabbath Candles.”
Observance provides a personal connection with tradition and God
Almighty.
What
makes my Mother’s story amazing is that without the slightest
connection to Judaism, she remained Jewish. However, in my mother’s
days, Jews were not really welcome outside the Jewish community.
Cultural diversity and tolerance were yet to be learned and some
would say, still to be learned. Nevertheless, I believe if my Mother
grew up in my generation, the outcome would have been very different.
If Esther had lived today, in all likelihood, she would not have
survived as a Jewish woman to raise a Jewish family.
The
Pew Research Center in 2013 spoke of a changing horizon for American
Jewry. The
Pew survey described an energetic Jewish community and reported “that
Jewish identity is changing in America, where one-in-five Jews (22%)
now describe themselves as having no religion”.
Conservative
Judaism once was the description of the majority of Jews, now only
18% of Jews identify as Conservative having changed places with
Reform Judaism representing 35% of Jewish households. For sure the
moderate branches of Judaism are shrinking and the more traditional
branches are growing. The moderate branches of Orthodoxy are growing
but not nearly as fast as the Hassidim are growing.
Why
is this happening? There is not one simple answer but part of the
answer has something to do with spiritual satisfaction. Satisfaction
is not easily achieved in general. Ask a musician if they are
satisfied with their skills or an artist are they are satisfied with
their skills. Few people are satisfied and success often depends on
us seeking greater ability. Spirituality is the same. Religious
people are always seeking to improve their relationship with God.
“Healthy
start” is a good recommendation for all things. Children should
have a healthy start in their day, meaning a decent meal. A “healthy
start” in their education and a “healthy start” in their
spiritual identity. We can begin by regularly providing our families
with something sacred to cling to while we express the sense of
sacredness we experience. In this equation there must be truth and
integrity. I recommend that everyone choose a comfortable path and
make sure your family has and maintains a healthy start.